The Banya

The most hysterical night of my life this far. Seriously. Belly-rolling, pee-inducing, spit-the-food-out-of-your-mouth funny.. I really don't know that you can feel it through the words but I am trying really hard to recreate it... You may have just had to have been there... Funny stuff usually happens when alcohol is involved, but this takes the vodka... hands down.

LP says that "you can't say you've really been to Russia unless you've visited a banya." I concur. The banya is the traditional hot bath sauna, typically with dachas (summer, wooden cottages) and attached to the house and used for bathing purposes. Most people only go into the banya weekly. On Olkhon, it was the only way to bathe. So while I have gone 5 days without bathing before, I decided it was a must do. Nikita's had two banyas, one small, for personal bathing and washing, and one large, for a communal steam.

Our last night at Nikita's, we decided to rent out the banya for us and our friends. It was scheduled for 9:45pm, but since the vodka came out at 4pm, the evening was destined to be memorable.

4 bottles down and the singing starts. Polish and Russian chants. Cheers all around. We learned that when you do a shot of vodka, you eat a pickle and it kills the nasty taste... This isn't Absolut here, this is pungent, foul stuff. One of the women that worked at Nikita's came around and told us that the fire for our banya started and that we could go down in 10 minutes. Basically, there is a steam room with a furnace of hot rocks, where one pours water to create steam. An attached room has huge barrels of cold water and ladels so that you can toss cold water on yourself to stop the heat. Or you can run out into the snow.

Sarah, Anya and I held up the ladies end of the bargain... You know me, I have been known to remove my clothing for a good cause (just ask if you really want to know) but it was kinda strange to get totally naked with a bunch of people that I didn't know and bathe together. It would never fly in America, but in Russia, it was a completely normal thing. Sarah (from the UK) and I were both pretty hesitant at first, but when we realized that no one really cared at all (and that we didn't have the biggest naked bellies:) we got into the grove. It was amazing how not an issue it was. There were about 15 of us off an on that would do the cycle. We did the cycle about 4 times. Steam, run into the snow, steam, run into the snow, etc. We thought that we were doing it right until waiting to re-enter the steamroom, we heard screaming and whipping. Pavel, an insane Russian man that Michael befriended was throwing buckets of water onto the rocks, creating the thickest steam you can imagine, and consequently using two bundles of branches to beat his chest like Tarzan. Apparently it works better when other people whip you (gets your blood circulating) but Pavel was insane and loves his banya. Michael came out first, gasping for air, and when we went in we knew why! The steam was so thick that we couldn't breathe, and Pavel the drunk Russian was bright red and delighted with himself. He told us to crouch to the floor to avoid the thickest steam, so while he beat us with birch branches and sang Russian songs, Sarah, Anya and I huddled to the ground trying to breathe and laugh at the same time.

Enter the drunk Polish men. They too were in the banya and when we overlapped in the steam room, they decided to hit us a little more (none of this was sexual mind you) until we couldn't bear it and ran outside naked, dancing and singing. Some photos were taken of this event, but I don't have copies of them.

After the banya, we were all exhausted and dehydrated... and proceeded to break open more bottles of vodka and continue singing. All in all, it was hysterical. I made a friend for life in Sarah and experienced Russia like few ever do.